Serenity
by Libquedation
Summary: Everyone has different points of view. This story goes through the minds of the main characters of Firefly. There is one for each character, however they jump around the series. Read and review.
1. Shattered Like Glass

Voices. Loud, angry voices. They burn the mind, torture the brain. **Burning**, yelling, shouting. So many voices, no way to turn.

Warm air like the sun upon a face, _fire in the heart._ So much cold must get out. Wet, cold, must escape. Hard ground, too much of a draft, don't notice. She feels no cold nor pain anymore after _needles_ in the **brain, eyes**.

Light burns, so bright. Huddle like a penguin in the Arctic to keep warm. Negative 78 degrees every year at the poles, must huddle during winter or die. Must huddle or freeze in cold. No food, nothing for six long months.

Tremors rake over my skin, the cold burning it. I _**hear**_ much more than I should.

_Look at that. Cute. Crazy obviously considering she's trembling and yelling crazily, but still cute._

_What the hell is this? I open a box and get a crazy ruttin' girl. Not a good day for me._

_I should not be here. I am not good at confrontations especially with psychotic girls. I am the pilot. In fact, I should be piloting right now…_

_Shoot or not to shoot. Captain wouldn't like it until we get a story. If he tells me to I will though…_

_Shiny. Look at that. Simon's got a sis' and I will have another girl friend. Wonder if she can tell me anything about how to get a new catalyzer out of Mal…_

_She's pretty. Could have been a Companion but I doubt that's why she was in a cryo box and crawled out all screaming…_

Too many. _**Burns my head**_, no grip on surroundings. Cannot move, nothing to hold on to, falling into space, pure **blackness**…

Face is familiar, yet sounds are new. Hands clenched on my wrists, keep me anchored. Sounds drown out the rests, medical talk bouncing off my brain. Too much already, won't be sent back. Wild like a tiger, take in surroundings, best way to escape…

Mumbling accursed words. Cannot hear too much **yelling** in my head, it _**hurts**_. Familiar dig into my mind, mumbles sound like someone I know…

"Simon?" It cracks and shatters as I speak for the first time in approximately 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 46 minutes, 37 seconds, 38, 39, 40…

"Simon, they- they talk to me and- and," can't convey meanings, lost in head, not comprehending.** He understands, he doesn't comprehend**. Threatens to drown me, blind me, deafen me…

Comforting arms embrace my limp shoulders, keep me anchored to the ground before my soul flies up and away and is lost for all eternity, like dandelion seeds are lost in the wind, floating away forever unless acted upon by an unequal force, tis is Newton's Laws of Motion.

Shaking, cold, wet tears drench cheeks as sobs pour out.

"What the hell is this?" Amplified ten times as usual, in the mind and ears. Burns, so much pain, no privacy, no room for me, float away, pieces lost as tears. No turning home.

"This is my sister."

No help can be applied no matter what they say loud enough in my head. _**No one can fix a broken glass once it is shattered.**_

**My first River piece. I don't think its that good but read and review and tell me how to improve it. I'm doing something like this for every main character and they will be scattered throughout the season and/or movie. **


	2. Dinosaurs with Tears in Their Eyes

The jarring crash ended. The emergency lights on the bridge bathed us three in blood-red, as if foreshadowing what to come. I wiped my forehead, taking off the sweat that had congealed there after our hard descent onto Mr. Universe's moon.

I glanced all around, assessing the situation. Mal was breathing hard to my right and Wash was as well in front of me. I heard the faint clicks from the dining room as the rest of the crew released their seatbelts and hastily began gathering up in arms.

"I am a leaf on the-" Wash's voice was suddenly cut of in a gurgle as something impaled him through the chest. I ripped the seat harness off my chest and was at his side in less than a second.

"Wash, baby baby no. Baby come on. Baby, baby please?" Tears coursed down my cheeks as my world shattered around my eyes.

The one good thing, always the thing that would be there in the end, the thing I could rely on the most to always make me happy, my baby, was gone. I couldn't accept it. The pain ripped my chest open and tore my heart out as I felt his breath whoosh out of his chest. An elephant stomped on my heart as I sobbed, trying to bring him back.

_You said you would never leave. What about our plans for a family? What about me? You cannot go, you cannot baby. I love it everyday how you call me lambie-toes, how you rub my back, how you kiss me. You cannot be gone gorammit! You cannot be! It is not fair! You have to stay. Who else is going to pilot this ship? Who else is gonns whisper in my ear how much they love me? Who else is gonna kiss away my tears when I cry? Who else is gonna make me laugh?_

_Who else is gonna make my heart smile? You cannot be dead, its not fair! _

"Zoë!" I was ripped from Wash, and slammed painfully to the cold hard deck. It felt like his body. A shatter of glass, and it rained all around me. It bit into my palm, but I didn't feel it. I can't feel anymore.

The mask I wore so often as a soldier seven years ago, came back on me. It settled on me like a deadweight. The pain was blocked, my face a mask, containing the pain.

"Let's go!" Mal shouted, or at least it seem like a shout. My world had stopped spinning as I looked back to the pilot's chair. It was covered in sheep's skin he had put on it many years ago. The dinosaurs stared back with broken eyes, forlorn looks on their faces as if they knew no hands would ever make them dance again.

The tree with my husband bent over it. A tear slipped out of my mask, and the rest threatened to spill over. I looked away in order to contain them within my mask.

_No one will ever take your place in my heart. No one will touch your dinosaurs. I swear. I am going to kill every last Reaver. They will pay my husband. They will pay for this pain. _

I steeled myself, then turned my back on the one thing I loved most, and walked away.

**I decided to do Zoë next, but this isn't my favorite chapter. I tried to capture a lot of emotion from her, but I'm not sure if I did a good job. Review and give me feedback and who you think should be next. **


	3. They Took Christmas Away

"They took Christmas away." Those words echoed in my head. The rest was drowned out. I couldn't think upon anything, not escaping, not how stupid I am, just those four words.

I did take Christmas away. I just took three lives away. Who knows what will happen to us, the mercenary, the doctor, or the moonbrain.

She turned to me and Simon and smiled a wimpy smile. I opened my mouth to retort when two purple-bellies yanked me to my feet, dragging Simon and Crazy along. It was a long walk.

_God damn it. Why can't the holding cells be a little closer to the main security outpost I mean come on! This long as walk gives people time to think over what the hell they did to end up in such a place. _

I was having an argument with myself, my stupid, stupid self.

_You have to save yourself, along with Simon and River._

_I don't have to. I came here for the money and I will get out so I can get that money. I need it. _

_You will get plenty of money after this job, which you so effectively fucked up. _

_I know, I was being stupid and only thinking about the one thing I need. Just Crazy needs to be given back, I mean she sliced my chest with a god forsaken butcher's knife! Any deeper she might have killed me!_

_Nonetheless, you know you will save them You may seem like a big tough mercenary whose three loves are money, whores, and guns, but you now yourself better than that. You are a marshmallow deep on the inside and will do anything to save your fellow crew members. _

I hate losing to myself. I knew I would save them and me.

Our mismatched party stopped outside a solid door. The two purple-bellies walked us in, and I launched myself at the nearest one. Simon took the initiative and did the same.

Mine had the wind knocked out of his weak chest when I slammed him against the wall. I took the short time I had to wiggle my arms under my legs so they were handcuffed in front of me. By then my guy had some of his sensesand I straddled his stomach, and punched him once.

I heard Simon struggling with his own guy. I didn't care. My guy punched my face and I got pissed. That was too far. I grabbed his neck and squeezed. The lucky bastard managed to bite my hand. I wanted to scream, but kept my mouth shut tight. He got a few more punches in, and then he stopped. He was dead. I hunted his body for the keys and unlocked my handcuffs, then Crazy's and Simon's.

"Thanks." Simon whispered. "Where are you going? There are at least four armed feds out there."

I growled. Now I see why I was stupid enough to try and sell them back. This little bugger just knows how to bite my nerves.

"Six, I know."

"Well how do you expect to take on six armed feds?"

"Doesn't matter. We go back the way we came and then we-"

"It doesn't matter." I glanced over at River, who had backed against the doorframe. I cocked an eyebrow.

"They're here." Her mouth opened as if she was in pain and she glanced to the main control room.

I felt fear rise in my belly. I don't even know what the moonbrain means but it is sending fear. And that's when the screams started.

They were all men in the room, but right now they sounded like a bunch of women. I saw River tremble and she whirled, and ran the other direction. Simon shot a glance at me and started off after her. I shot one last look to the room, where screams still reverberated. Then I ran full speed after the Tams.

_You can fight your way out this time Jayne. _

I scoffed at myself. _No I can't. and I wont. I vowed to keep the Tams safe and I will. _

That shut me up. Now I sound retarted. And I think we are lost. "Listen here, I have no intention of running around like a rat in a maze-" Once again I was cut off by a scream, but this time it was super close.

This time Jayne Cobb was scared.

I listened to River mutter. "Almost there. Almost there. There." A large blue door, which was of course locked, stood in our way.

"Stand back." I felt rather than saw the Tams move back as I aimed the Alliance gun at the door handle. I pulled the trigger, and let the gun recoil into my side and arms. Nothing happened.

"High tech Alliance crap!" I spun it easily and let the rage and fear fill me, and banged the gun repeatedly against the handle. Each sound echoed in my ear, causing me to flinch. Each flinch made me angry and that made me hit the handle again.

A gunshot echoed and I automatically ducked. Seven years on Mal's boat makes you have reactions like that.

The door was kicked open and standing there was Mal and Zoë. Relief filled me, followed by a sour taste in my mouth.

_I couldn't even save my own skin without help. _

**That's Jayne's view of the Ariel episode, or part of it. Sorry for the long wait. I promise to update as soon as I get a chance. Review porfavor. **


	4. I Failed You

I glanced around the dark cockpit, listening as "the ship" talked to Early. It was quite entertaining watching him freak out.

"Yes, my sister is a ship. We had a complicated childhood." I lazily said, leaning against the dashboard and crossing my arms.

"Does anyone care that I have a finely crafted gun pointed to this boy's head?" Early asked. I flinched as the gun was trained right between my eyes. Gorramnit.

"I care." River's voice came over the com again, sounding like she was annoyed, like back when we were younger.

"Then are you gonna come out, stop me from doing what I don't want to do? You gonna be smart here River?" He asked. Emotions whirled about my head as there was no response. Early looked a little dumbfounded. His gun lowered, aiming at the ground.

"River?" He said her name again, sounding scared, and for good reason. Then quieter, only I could hear it. "Serenity?" I chuckled in my mind, knowing how stupid he probably felt by calling for the ship.

But River was a tad convincing when she said she was the ship.

I watched as Early moved to the pilot's station, Wash's seat. He started flicking switches randomly, what he was doing flying over my head.

"These older models got locators at all?" He asked, pressing more buttons. That question almost made me laugh. Locating River? The person who was most able and apt at getting into tight spaces and hiding for the whole day?

"Won't help." I started, humor in my voice that even I could hear. That made Early turn to me, his gun waving around with every word.

"You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I have ever had to transport, and yet by far the most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?" He looked away, turning back to the monitors.

I know I should just keep my mouth shut, but my overwhelming curiosity got the better of me. "What's he do?" I asked. Early shot me his 'what' look.

"Who?"

"The midget." I said, slowly, pronouncing every syllable. Early groaned and turned back away.

"Arson." He paused, then continued quieter. "Little man loved fire." He dragged out the love.

A shadow in the corner of my eye made me glance over to the dining room. I saw a glimpse of a pink flip-flop peeking out from the corner.

Kaylee.

I watched with my peripheral vision as she slowly hit the button to unlock the rooms, then turned down another corridor that I knew led to the cargo bay. I turned back to studying Early.

Then the lights went out. I couldn't see, and my heart was pumping wildly. I reached behind me, grabbing the monitors, looking for something, anything. I heard Early breath faster, each breath being inhaled sharper.

"You're not welcome here anymore Early." River's voice said ominously over the com. I tried to slow down my heart., knowing she had a plan.

"You think I'm gonna leave here empty handed?" Early asked loudly, his voice sounding a little more freaked out.

That's when I saw it; my opening. Jumping from behind when he was immersed in conversation with River. I moved slowly, silently around the console so I was more behind than next to Early.

"I know it." River said, sounding like she knew it all. Which, she probably did.

"Yeah, you know me reeeal well." Early said sarcastically, waving the gun again.

"Wish I didn't. You like to hurt folk." Oh dong ma. River's reading him. This will not turn out well.

"Part of the job." Early responded, sounding a little miffed.

"It's why you took the job. Not the chase, not the money. Power. Control. Pain. Your mother knew. Sadness in her eyes when she waved goodbye, but she was relieved. Saw darkness in you. You're not well." River sounded sad, and that made me confused a bit.

"You'll best be wanting to shut up now." Damnit, he was riled up now.

"Big golden retriever sitting on the lawn. Never took to you. Smell on you, the neighbor's pets. You did things to them, cleaned up after. Shined and polished. Everything in here gleams." I cocked an eyebrow, a little more scared for Early.

Then it hit me.

"Well I'll be a son of a whore. You're not in my gorram mind. You're on my gorram ship!" He yelled, sounding a little more than shocked and mad.

River laughed gleefully. "It's very interesting in here. All these buttons…" It dawned on me then.

She's baiting him.

She has a plan. That made me feel a little better.

"Okay, we are not to be touching those okay?" I smirked as Early held up his hands, the gun-pointed-at-me-thing long forgotten.

"How the hell did she get on my ship?" He asked, turning to me.

I shrugged. "At this point, I'm just as lost as you are."

"Can see everyone from here. Wave to mommy. Put the gun away." River demanded.

"Okay, I'm putting it away." He said, still holding the gun firmly in his grip. I decided to play some part in this.

"No, he's not." I said, watching his gun hand the whole time. Early shot me a glare almost as good as Jayne's. Then to my relief he put it away.

"I'm putting it away, cause we are all reasonable people, don't want to be doing anything rash, fiddling with any dials." He said, still too concerned about his ship than anything else, like the fact some crazy girl was besting him.

"You're not right Early. You're not righteous. Got issues." I agreed with that, and I could see the eye roll that River would be doing, probably shifting in the seat as she said it.

"No!" I rolled my eyes as Early protested, blocking him out as he droned on about how he could have issues.

"Talk too much." River interjected. Once more, I agree with my sister on something.

"I'm flawed in that way." No shit.

"It's okay Early." River said. "I'm going with you." The tone changed instantly, every hope I had of a plan flying out the window to the stars as I stood. The laughter and happiness vanished, replaced by the total opposite; unhappiness.

"River, what are you-"

"Don't belong. Dangerous. Like you." She said. I fell silent, choking up as she continued.

"Can't be controlled. Can't be trusted. Everyone could just go on without me, not have to worry. People could be who they wanted to be, could be with the people they wanted to be with. Could live simple. No secrets."

She wants to leave so I can live better. So I wouldn't be so caught up with her. "No…" Was the only thing that escaped my lips.

"And I'll be fine. I'll be your bounty Jubal Early. And then I'll just fade away." Her voice faded at the end, and when Early's smile came into my line of vision, I felt furious. He was NOT taking my baby sister back to the gorram Alliance. No fucking way.

"Finally, something goes according to-" That's when I saw my moment, and I took it, launching myself with every muscle I had at the man, throwing us down the stairs, making him crash into the wall. Fury drove me.

"Simon?" I faintly heard River ask. I didn't care. No way was he getting away.

Unfortunately, I forgot about one small thing. Early threw me off, and as I rose to get back up, he pulled out his gun and shot in one fluid motion.

Fire ripped through my leg, the blood already seeping out, the pain unbearable. It's going to be a great story to tell when I explain that my first bullet was taken when I was being foolhardy in my attempt to save my crazy sister.

I lay on my back, bringing my shaking hands up, my doctor training kicking in, trying to block the flow of blood as it stained my pants. The pain made it impossible to talk, even as Early waved his gun at me and spoke.

"See? That's what it feels like." He walked away, and all I could think was, _I failed you baby sister_.

**Short, sad. Sorry I haven't updated, I have too many stories going on at once, and I just want to finish them, so, I am updating. Review please? **


	5. Mosquito Bite

I looked up from where Jayne and I were finishing cleaning up the dining room from dinner. Faint yelling could be heard, and by the way it echoed, it was coming from the cargo bay.

"Jayne, you hear that?" I asked, confused at what was going on. I watched as he cocked his head, his hands in the sink, and listened.

"Yeah, sounds like yelling."

"What about?"

"Let's go see." I nodded, throwing the rest of the dishes in the sink, making my way to the cargo bay.

"Probably yelling at that pansy ass doctor for forgetting something." Jayne grumbled. I smacked his chest, smiling.

"Jayne! He's not a pansy ass! He's nice and isn't used to being this far away from the Core!"

"So?" Jayne shrugged and I laughed as we walked down the stairs that were right next to the infirmary. The yelling had increased ten-fold, and I was a tad confused, and a tad excited to be watching the proceedings.

If that doesn't sound too nasty.

"Sounds like, Mal, and the three other passengers." Jayne commented. I nodded, frowning a bit at could have made them so riled up.

Must be all the rival testosterone.

"Get your hands off of me!" I heard the doctor, Simon, yell.

"Stand the hell down!" I heard Dobson cry right as we walked around the corner. I briefly saw all four of them standing close, the Shepherd with his hands raised, Mal holding Simon, Dobson with his back to us.

"Hey, what's-" Dobson spun, the gun I hadn't noticed in his hands going off. I backed up, running into the wall, feeling pain blossom in my belly.

I looked down, seeing the hole, and the red blood spilling onto the ground. My vision wobbled, the pain becoming obvious.

"Wait why are you-" I tried to ask why they were arguing, but as I placed my hand to my belly, the blood, it became real, causing me to collapse against the floor, my vision swimming.

I heard a punch, saw Jayne move, heard Inara call my name. It didn't feel real, all like a dream. I felt soft hands holding my head up, the sweat dripping into my eyes, the pain making it hard to think and see clearly, but the face of Simon loomed above me.

"Lie back. How do you feel?" He asked me, his lips moving as if in slow motion.

"A little odd…" I managed to grind out, wetness on my hand startling me.

I felt Mal and Inara come close, Inara bundling up her robe and slipping it under my head. I tried to protest, saying that it would be ruined by the sweat and blood, but no words escaped my mouth.

Suddenly, it felt colder on my stomach, a breeze whooshing by it.

"Well now, that ain't hardly a mosquito bite." I faintly heard Mal say.

"Big mosquito." It sure as rain felt like a bite, from a mighty big bug, with all the stinging and pain.

"Kaylee. Can you move your feet? Kaylee! Stay with me, can you move your feet?" Simon asked, his face worrisome. I don't know why he looked worried, unless he was asking me to dance, the sweet boy.

"Are you asking me to dance?" I whispered, a small smile making its way onto my face. I could feel the sweat pouring down, felt the stinging, but I ignored it. It was too bothersome.

"She's going into shock." I heard Simon say again. I was a little confused at that. Who's going into shock?

"Kaylee, mei-mei, you gotta focus." I felt Inara's soft hand grace my cheek, and I looked up to see her staring down at me, her normally placid face filled with worry. Once again I was confused.

This nice doctor had asked me to dance and everyone was worried?

Suddenly a sharp pain in my belly made me scream in agony. "Ow." I murmured, Inara stroking my hair faster.

I faintly heard Wash on the com, then Mal and Simon started yelling, and I think my name was involved. I saw Simon look at me, worry evident in his face, before he and Mal started yelling again.

Were they yelling because the kind doctor asked me to dance?

"Everybody's so mad." I said, worried.

"It's okay baby," Inara said, looking at me for a second, before back to the fight.

Inara stood suddenly, and at the lost of contact of her hand, the pain became more noticeable. Inara was ordering Mal something, but the pain blossomed stronger, and I couldn't stop the yelp from escaping me.

Mal went on to say something, and then arms were on me, hoisting me up, maybe to dance, who knows. Then I felt something else cold on my back, yet soft, and the white light I couldn't help staring into. Then Mal's face came in front of the light, his face mad, apologetic, worrisome. I wondered what I could have done, when another mosquito bite got me in the neck, and everything faded to black…

I opened my eyes, not remembering, not seeing anything for a few seconds. Then the haze started to wear off, and the small, sharp pain in my belly brought it all back. I turned, seeing a dark, reddish-brown shirt, one person that I knew wore that color.

"Captain?" I asked, my voice sounding off even to me.

"Hey little Kaylee. what's the news?" He asked, a smile on his face.

"I'm shiny Captain. A-okay." I smiled a bit at the words that came out. "Can't feel much below my belly though, and it's getting a might cold." I was a little worried about that, and I watched as Mal covered my legs with another blanket.

He smiled at me. "You just gotta rest. Something on this boat's gonna break down real soon, and who else I got to fix it?" His quirky answer would have made me snort if I could.

"Don't worry none. Doc fixed me up pretty." At the thought of Simon, I smiled. "He's nice." Was the first thing that popped into my head.

Mal chuckled. "Now don't go working on that crush too hard mei-mei. Doc won't be with us for long." I felt a little sad at that news.

"You're nice too." I said, feeling off a bit. Mal openly smiled, making me smile too.

"No I'm not. I'm a mean old man." I smiled again.

"He wasn't gonna let me die. He was just trying to…it's nobody's fault. Okay? Promise me you'll remember that." I stated, patting Mal's arm awkwardly, feeling off when trying to control my own body. The smile faded a bit on Mal's face, and he took my hand.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You are a nice man Captain. You always look after us. But you got to, you got to have faith in people." I stated, saying whatever popped into my head, considering I still couldn't think as clearly or right as I usually do.

I turned my head on the pillow, seeing finally what Mal had been staring at. She was a pretty girl, youngish by the looks of her, with a small resemblance to Simon.

"She a beauty ain't she?" I asked quietly so I didn't wake her. I smiled, feeling mighty tired suddenly.

I stopped fighting my eyelids, and let them close, the last thing I remembered was my hand slipping from Mal's gentle hold.

**Whoo hoo! Two updates in a day! Please review my lovelies! **


	6. Crying Over What is Done

I walked along the corridor, on my way to Nandi's room. I needed her expertise on something. Then you could say I was all torn up when out stumbled Mal, buttoning up his black shirt, suspenders down.

My heart clouded over, and I stopped breathing. I don't know why him having sex with Nandi hurt me so much, but it did. It felt like my world was over and done.

"Uh," Mal said a little miffed and embarrassed. I placed my Companion training in place, covering up the hurt that was threatening to spill out.

"Well." Was all I managed to ground out.

" I was just, um, I had to tell Nandi about the, uh, big fight today." I felt anger at his pathetic response, but managed to pass it off as annoyance.

"Mal please." I was shocked to hear the confidence and annoyance spill out instead of the hurt and anger. Silently applauding myself, I turned my 'waiting' stare onto him.

"Hey, no, I've got, I was just thinking," he struggled to speak and I decided to enlighten him.

"So you took to bed with Nandi, I'm glad." That part was a little true. She had told me she hadn't slept with anyone for some time now, and she was worried about the fight. I wasn't glad persay, I was furious and in pain, but at least she had someone.

"And pondering the, wait glad?" I almost smiled at the look Mal gave.

"Yes!" Sometimes, I surprise myself. "She's a dear friend and probably in need of some comfort right about now." The lies just kept spilling out between my teeth.

"I-"

I almost laughed at the way a small blush managed to creep up his neck. "One of the virtues of not being puritanical about sex, is not being embarrassed afterwards. You should look into it." I said, slightly amused about his apparent embarrassment.

"Well, I just didn't want you to think I was taking advantage of your friend."

Even that legitimate response couldn't help control the pain that was slowly worming it's way back to the surface.

"She's well worth taking advantage of. I sincerely hope you did." More lies.

"So you're okay? Yeah, well why wouldn't you be?" Mal was trying to reassure himself that I was fine and not upset about him having sex with one of my best childhood friends.

" I wouldn't say I am entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste." I congratulated myself with my comeback, thrilled it left him speechless, and even hoping a bit that it hurt him, for as I turned to walk back to Petaline's room, the tears began to fall.

Petaline was asleep, the break between contractions much needed. I fell into a corner, shutting the door, thankful no one else was in here. The tears were falling, landing on my knees as I brought them closer to my chest.

Damn Malcolm Reynolds, damn him to hell! He was the reason that I was sobbing, in pain. He was the reason why my emotions were all out of whack. He was looped into every thought, every aspect of my life now. I was in love with a man I had sworn never to like. He was the reason I fought, he was the reason I felt anything now. He was the reason I was sitting, concealed, crying my eyes out! I furiously wiped away the tears, trying to push the thoughts into the back of my mind.

I couldn't break down today, not today. Not again, not ever again will I shed a tear for Malcolm Reynolds. No.

That's when the idea came. The idea to leave his ship, go back to Sihnon, and never speak to him again.

I will never cry over another man again. Especially Mr. Malcolm Reynolds.

**Short, but I didn't have much else that I felt was a turning point for Inara. Hope you like it! This is my third update today! Review please! **


	7. I Never Married

**This is Book's point of view. I would have done his a long time ago, but I wasn't sure what point in the series I wanted to do, either the last stand in Serenity (the movie) or in Serenity (the episode). I finally decided upon the episode one, but if no one really enjoys it, tell me and maybe, just maybe I will put up another one, this one his last stand. **

**By the way, I am noticing I am not putting disclaimers in my stories so here it is. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Firefly universe…if I was on FanFiction, do you think I do? **

**____________________________________________________________________________________________________**

I walked throughout the dusty streets of Persephone, not caring if the dust wandered its way onto my luggage. I didn't exactly care much anymore, for nothing really other than trying to be the perfect missionary.

That was not turning out as planned.

"Going on a trip grandpa?" I looked to my side, startled by the man who seemed to pop out of nowhere. I quickly studied him, his whole outfit and attitude screamed barker. I listened, rather annoyed, but trying not to seem like it. "Need safe passage? We're cheap, we're cheap and clean, and the Brutus," I looked over where he was pointing at the ship I just so happened to walk by.

The whole outside looked rather shaky, covered in grime and filth. No doubt, he was lying about the clean part, as I shot the man another look.

"…is the best ship in the verse. What's your des grandpa? We're hitting the outer rims…"

I cut off the barker. "I never married." I said, walking away. My response no doubt left the man confused.

"What?" With the look on his face and his posture, if the man had scratched his head it would have been extremely comical.

"I'm not a grandpa." I retorted, smiling a bit as I walked by, continuing to rake my eyes over the ships that dotted the bay. I walked by another one that had its berths being auctioned off.

If you asked me, the ship was a piece of _go se_. Pardon my language. I moved on to the next ship.

It was a Firefly. I smiled a little; I hadn't seen one of those in years. I gave it a once over. It had nice suspenders, but most of the parts on the outside looked like they had each fallen off at least once before, especially the primary buffer panel. A young girl sat in a lawn chair in the deck of the ship, lazily twirling a paper umbrella between her fingers. She grinned as I continued to walk on by.

"You're going to come with us." I stopped at her words, a little confused.

"Excuse me?" I stammered a bit, a little shocked she say such a thing.

"You like ships. Don't seem to be looking at the destinations. What you care about is the ships, and mine's the nicest." She said with a sunny smile, cocking her head and pointing to the inside of the Firefly.

"She don't look like much." I retorted, but I knew subconsciously that I would most likely choose this ship.

"Eh, she'll fool ya. You ever sail in a Firefly?" The girl asked with a smile. I responded with a smile of my own.

"Long before you were crawling. Didn't have an aught three though. Didn't have the extenders, tended to shake." I said, nodding to the side of the ship.

"You wanna shake, sail on the Paragon there. Guarantee you'll barf before you break atmo." The girl responded, gesturing to the ship I had just passed. I nodded in agreement.

"They can dress her up pretty but a Gurtlser's engine will always get twitchy on ya." I motioned to the Firefly, which I noticed had _Serenity _painted along its side. "The aught three still use the trace compression block?"

"Till they make something better." The girl responded. "So how come you don't care where you're going?" She asked. Ah, the question I know had been stirring around in her brain.

"Cause how you get there is the worthier part." I responded, smiling a bit.

"You a missionary?" She asked. Mighty perceptive that girl is. And, I guess her assumption would be correct.

"I guess. I'm a Shepherd from the Southtown Abbey. Book, I'm called Book. Been out of the world for a spell. Like to walk it for a while, maybe bring the word to them as it need be told."

"Well, I'm Kaylee. This here's _Serenity_, and she's the smoothest ride from here to Boros for anyone who can pay. Can you pay?" I smiled when I noticed the slight worry in her voice.

"Not what they're charging on the Paragon, but I expect we could come to terms." I reached behind me, grabbing a small box that contained one of the most delectable foods.

Strawberries.

"I've got a little cash and uh," I trailed off as I opened the box in Kaylee's direction. I smiled as her eyes lit up brightly, lust in them. I laughed in my mind. This girl was lusting for strawberries.

"Oh, grandpa." She looked up at me, her eyes wide. I felt a little annoyance at the nickname however, and decided to tell her the same thing I told the other barker.

" I never married."


	8. Ripping Through Me

I couldn't see, couldn't see at all, causing me to trip down the stairs that the goons shoved me down. The door slammed shut, and I was breathing heavily, I could hear it.

"You okay?" Mal asked me from my right.

"I think I've been kidnapped." Curse my over witty demeanor which always shows itself at the worst of moments.

"Yeah." If Mal could have been looking at me, he would have given me the shut-up-before-I-shoot-you look.

"You see where we are?" I prayed silently and quickly, hoping maybe he didn't have a blindfold on.

"No." Gorramit. I listened, straining my ears, trying to feel any bumps with my feet.

"It's not a ship." Pausing, I listened some more. " I don't think we're traveling."

"Good to know." Mal said sarcastically. I grimaced, trying to make the best of things. Then the smell hit me. It reeked of, hell I don't even know what.

"What in God's name is the smell?" I cried out, hoping Mal would shed some light on the situation.

"Could be anything. Try not to think about it." Mal can lie, but at this moment, with my senses at their highest, my hyperventilating, I caught the slight lie, but I shoved it to the back of my brain, coming up with a somewhat witty response.

"Okay. I'll just, I'll stop breathing." I said that calmly enough, but then my fear and anger resurfaced. "Mal what the hell is going on??" I yelled in his general direction.

"Not sure exactly." I growled mentally.

"But you've got some theories." I stated.

"Still working it through." Jealousy hit me as Zoë's face popped into my brain.

"I don't want you to spare me Mal! If you think you know what's happening then you tell me! You wouldn't spare Zoë if she were here with you, would you?" I asked, my voice rising.

"Well…" At Mal's pathetic response, I continued on.

"That's right! You'd be conferring and planning and plotting, and possibly scheming. So whatever Zoë would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back, with the stories. So I'm Zoë. Now. What do I do?"

Hey, role playing might help us get out of here. That was my reasoning, for being blindfolded in a strange place is not good, for my brain or my heart.

Just saying.

"Probably not talk quite so much." Came his snippy reply that had me raring to fight, er, verbally I mean.

"Right." I started, racking my brain for ways to be like my Zoë…"Less talking." That was obvious. "She's terse." That also was obvious. "I can be terse." Maybe. "Once, in flight school, I was laconic." Now that was true. Silence followed that comment, and it just made me more pissed off.

"If I'm not going to talk then you have to!" I yelled. "What else?" I heard a slight bang as Mal ran into something.

"Just gotta keep our heads." Oh, come on! Like you can keep your head when you just got kidnapped and shipped off to who knows where!

"Right. Keep our heads. That way we'll be able to, you know, keep our heads." Wow, that was lame. In scary situations even I run out of things to say. "You and Zoë been in plenty of situations like this before right?" I asked, checking to see if he could do ANYTHING beneficial for our escape, which probably was going to go to hell.

Like always.

"Many a time." came his response. That set off a spark of anger in me.

"Many a time you and Zoë…"I trailed off, thinking. "Zoë and you in a tricky…"

That's when it dawned on me.

"Mal she's my wife!" I yelled, whirling to where he was standing.

"Whaa?"

"What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?!?" I yelled, my anger getting the better of me.

"I didn't!" I heard the shock in his voice.

"You did!" Wow, how childish sounding.

"She ain't here Wash." He tried to console me, but I wouldn't have any of it.

"No but she would have been!" HA, try and think of a comeback for that Mr. I'm So Damn Arrogant And I Know It.

"But…" Hell no.

"It never really hit me until I got, well hit. And blindfolded, and kidnapped, and this smell is burning my nostrils." It was, this place stunk like when Jayne screwed up when cleaning the septic tank and it spilled all over the cargo bay.

"Wash…" Mal began, but I would have nothing of it.

"I mean, I'm the one who she swore to love, honor, and obey!" I yelled, angry that Mal couldn't see what I was saying.

"She swore to obey?" I would have glared at him if I could see him. I know, I don't seem like the glaring type, so you know I am super mad when I do.

But at that I was a little befuddled. "Well no…But that's my point! You she obeys! She obeys you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!" I yelled. I guess that my anger from when Zoë wouldn't tell Mal about my idea was just coming out now.

"Zoë and I have a history. She trusts me." Mal was trying to call me down, but I did not care.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" I yelled, confused now.

"Don't mean a thing." Then why'd you say it mister? "You're making out like she blindly follows my every word, which ain't true!" Lies!

"Sure it is!"

"Not so! There are plenty of orders of mine she didn't obey!"

"Name one!"

"She married you!" He yelled back, shocking me. I turned my head in Mal's direction. Then a loud clanking made me spin in the direction of the noise and sudden light that bloomed in a corner. I felt a man walk right in front of me, probably to stop in front of Mal.

"_Tah mah duh hwoon dan._" I cocked an eyebrow at Mal's outburst.

"What?"

________________________________________________________________________

The electricity surged through me, blinding, numbing pain, ripping through me. I felt my back leave the metal that was supporting me.

"I'm not…gonna say it…again." Mal panted, having me barely hearing him. "Shipboard romances complicates things." What a load of bull shit.

"For who? For you?" I barely managed to pant out, my lips feeling like a bee had stung them.

"For everyone." He panted back. I barely saw the small flick of Niska's wrist.

"Well, what about lo-AAAAAVE?" I yelled as the pain surged through me again, the burning never ending, every organ felt like it was on fire.

"Ain't against it as a rule." Mal ground out. "But in a situation like ours, tends to complicate things. Splits loyalties." I hissed lightly as the pain tried to pull me under.

"You know what I think?" I managed to say.

"What?" I barely heard him as another rip of lightning went through me. My vision went tunnel, my hearing all buzzing. The speaker was like an annoying bee in my ear as my head hit the back of the metal table, waking me a little.

"What Wash? What do you think Wash, cause I'm interested!" I barely heard.

"This policy you got against shipboard relationships…"I trailed off, losing my train of thought for a moment. "that's just you projecting your own intimacy issues onto everyone else."

"Well that's downright insightful." I faintly heard right before another zap of pain jolted through me, making me dazed.

Where the hell am I again? I coughed, bringing up a little blood that stayed in my mouth.

"Or it could be a might simpler than that." I faintly heard. "Could be I just don't think you're good enough for Zoë." That caught my attention.

"I don't give a good gorram what you think." I spat.

"Don't you? You know, me and Zoë got a history. And I figure you gotta be asking yourself some pretty fundamental questions about the nature of that history…"

Anger raged through me at what he was suggesting.

"You never slept with my wife." I managed to say even through the haze I was starting to see.

"You ever ask her?" Mal struggled to say through the pain. I saw the flick of Niska's hand right before another surge of fire ripped through me, erasing my brain of everything except the image of Zoë juggling baby geese…

"We were together a long time before you came around Wash, and she's a damn fine looking woman."

Who the hell was talking about my wife like that? My head banged against the metal behind my head…who put that there? I didn't feel anything. But that comment stung and I had to get a response.

"Never happened…know how I know?" I spat, ignoring the blood that clogged my throat.

"How? Tell me Wash!!!" The guy, wait, Mal, yelled at me.

"The whole captain thing isn't Zoë's trouble." The blood started coming out of my nose, spilling into my mouth. I spat. "It's the guy-she-never-slept with thing. Hell Mal, I wish she had slept with you! Then at least she'd be over it!" I managed to yell my loudest.

"You want me to sleep with her? That make you feel better?" He yelled, the sound killing my throbbing head, as I coughed up more red liquid.

"It might." I groaned.

"Imagine it'd do wonders for her too."

"Screw you." I snarled.

"Get in line!" Mal shrieked at me right before a huge wave of pain whipped through me, vision fading, thoughts vanishing, growing dark. How I wanted to fall into the darkness, let it take me over…

"Okay! I'm gonna do it Wash? Wash!" Managed to get through to me, I held on to the voice. "First thing we get back, I'm gonna take your wife into my bed! I'm gonna get me a piece of that…"

I yelled, anger taking me over, my eyes snapping open to the light, me spinning to snarl at the man, before more pain zapped my senses almost totally gone….

Break. Sweat. Blood. Pain. Light.

"Look at the door." I faintly heard, my brain barely realizing what was going on, through the haze of pain, I opened my eyes enough to shoot them in the direction of the light, a tall, sexy silhouette standing there.

Zoë.

"No, no, run." I barely managed to say past my lips, the numbing sensation welling over me.

Niska was speaking, but I wasn't listening, trying to keep the picture of my Zoë in my mind as being untarnished before she was taken as well, or before I fell…for good.

I saw her finger point to me, and I managed to put the most shock as possible in my dead expression.

I felt the one man step behind me, then the straps holding my body to the metal were gone, and I was free falling, hitting coldness with a smack, smarting my hands.

Soft hands reached me, pulling me gently to my feet, the most gentle thing all day. I relaxed into Zoë as she pulled me, but worry clouded my senses. Mal….Pain…no more.

"Mal?" I turned my head, staring at his bloody frame.

"Shh, start walking." Zoë grabbed my chin lightly, looking at me. I nodded, still upset.

"A moment, please." I turned, leaning against the doorway as Niska addressed her.

"There is too much. You should have ah some small refund." I turned my head, knowing what was coming.

"Keep it." Zoë said, trying to move, but being blocked by me. I faintly heard Niska say something before a horrendous scream from Mal made me woozy, nauseous.

"Come on baby." I felt Zoë's arms on me again, walking me forward, past the murderer's office. Blood dripped down my chin, and I managed to lift a shaking hand to brush it off, before letting it hit my side awkwardly.

I tried to block out the screams of pain that rocked through me, tears forming in my eyes, the only place that didn't hurt. The door's noise made me jump lightly, only slightly muffling the screams.

Eons later, I was softly deposited on the floor of the shuttle, my eyesight swimming. Zoë shut the door, closing it before sitting down next to me.

The first thing that came into my head I said. "He's insane."

"I know it." She didn't understand. Through the slight pain I tried to tell her.

"I mean…you've told the damn stories. Saved you in the war. But, I…I didn't know." I managed to ground out.

"You mean Mal?" Her soft voice asked, the words sliding over me like cool water. I just shook my head up and down.

"He's crazy." I managed to say. She just looked at me in confusion. "He, he wouldn't break Zoë. And he kept me from…I wouldn't have made it." Tears clogged my voice. Her soft hand gently caressed my cheek, trying to keep me together. "Niska's gonna kill him." I cried.

"He'll make it last long as possible. Days, if he can." She tried to say to me.

That's when the strength hit me. No one can take that pain for days, crazy or not. No one was going to hurt my captain, my friend, my brother, for much longer. I stood, emotion besides anger draining from my face. I stood, myself, a little shaky, but still up.

"Bastards not gonna get days." I snarled, walking over to the pilot's chair, starting up the shuttle, pain being replaced by anger.

Niska won't hurt anyone again, not while I am living.

**One more chapter left. I think you all can guess who and what part of the series it will be in. Please review. **


	9. The End

It was over. The soldiers dropped their weapons, moving around us to take care of everyone's injuries. I simply shrugged past them, slowly limping out of the room, stopping and leaning against the wall as I took in the sight that greeted me.

_Serenity _lay in all her glory, bloodied up, dead bodies strung across her front, the mounted gun all askew, the gears and wires all sticking out from where the landing gear had been torn off roughly. Half of the side was torn off, and the front windows were shattered, a sharpened tree trunk sticking out of one of them. An involuntary shiver and a wave of sadness passed through me as I remembered what lay inside the cockpit.

Pushing myself up from the box I had ended up on top up, I limped the rest of the way over to my ship.

I reached up, running my hand over the dried patched of blood that we had to splatter across her. Flicking my nail repeatedly against one of the panels, some of it fell off to flutter to the ground, where it lay, looking like rust.

_It's alright girl. We will fix you up real soon. _

The last time we had landed upon the dry grounds of Haven seemed like it had been so long ago, not like it was just today, earlier.

At least the man who had brutally murdered and slaughtered the kind people of Haven was paralyzed, and had saved our lives, but that kind deed just covered a little portion of the brutality he had committed.

He ordered for the Alliance to kill everyone, _everyone. _That was inexcusable.

My hand found its way up to where the rope that connected the skeletons to our hull was fastened. I untied it, the bodies falling to the ground in a heap amongst the Reaver bodies.

The Operative. There was someone I never wanted to face again. The anger that I had flowed out, blocking pain. I grunted as I tried to walk up the ramp into the cargo bay, my side aching something fierce.

But that didn't matter.

I just wanted to be sure this wasn't a dream, that my ship, my home, my family were alright.

I knew my family was alright, minus Wa-Wash. The rest would live with their injuries. Even I could, considering I got stabbed through with a sword.

My home seemed alright. The inside was in the same condition we had left it. The Reavers didn't care about the ship unless the people inside it were dead, raped, eaten.

My ship, my heart were a different matter.

I know I scared everyone after Book had died, and once I had started ordering everyone around, it was even worse.

Zoë had been enraged, I had seen it in her. She had been trying not to spit in my face, trying not to bark orders at me.

Like I would take them.

They had thought it was my own selfish intentions that had made me so eager to escape from Haven and go on a suicide run to Miranda. But it wasn't.

The Reavers were an abomination I had remembered hearing about during the war, but the rest of the time, they were a myth. When all the lies and rumors about their numbers and about their ruthlessness had been proven true, the lie I had been telling myself had been broken.

Back when I was younger, I would lie and tell myself at night that there were no such things as Reavers, that someone just had an overactive imagination and had told a fake story, scaring people out of their wits for fun. I had told myself that no one would come hunting for me, just so I could sleep better.

But during the war, we had encountered them, more than once. A raiding party, lying in wait until after the carnage was over so that they could pounce on straggling survivors.

Like after the Battle of Serenity. We had laid in wait for their ships to pass us by, the unnatural humming of their uncontained engines burning our ears until they had passed.

I didn't sleep well for years.

After the Operative had hacked onto our screens, the familiar rush of military training and anger and revenge that had fueled me came rushing back. This man threatened my family, no matter how eccentric or brute they were, they were still my family.

My hand gently brushed the windows of the infirmary, leaving a small streak of blood. I grimaced, not feeling anything but the pain right now.

It was a bad idea to leave the help that was offered us, I mean me, I guess.

"Tzao gao." I murmured as a wave of fresh pain rolled over me, erasing all thoughts of everything else from my mind.

"Mal?" I spun around as fast as my body would let me, slightly hissing as more pain erupted from my ankle. Inara was standing there, on the base of the ramp, her eyes wide with concern as they raked over my bloody body.

"You okay?" I managed to say.

"I'm more concerned about you right now." She whispered, coming farther up the ramp to where I was standing by the infirmary.

"Why?" I asked.

"You got stabbed Mal." The horror and fear in her voice was obvious. The fear, for me. I realized that with a shock. "Come back, please." She asked.

"Why should I?" I grunted as another wave of pain ripped through me.

"Because," She was at my side, gently tugging on my arm. "I'm worried about you, and your injuries. I don't want you straining yourself, or making yourself even more hurt." She whispered gently. "You scared me Mal today, but you are hurt, and I am over the whole fact that you were scary. That whole speech sounded horrible, but please Mal? Leave this behind. Please."

I looked around me. All the pain, all the suffering, all the tears, all the hate, all the great times that had originated here, on _Serenity._

"You're not telling me to leave behind my ship right?" I asked, a half smile twisting my swollen face. I saw a ghost of a smile grace her features.

"Never Mal. But leave her behind just long enough for us to heal." Her voice washed over me like water.

How could I leave behind the ship that was my home, my heart?

By slowly limping out of the cargo bay, holding onto Inara, promising my ship I would be back for her.

My ship and my family were mine. I would never leave them in the dust, never. I couldn't abandon anyone, not _Serenity_, not my family.

Turning around one last time, I let my eyes run over my home, my lifeline, my first and only ship. Her beaten, barren body still shone as much as it did seven years ago on the day I first laid eyes on her.

And then, a little reluctantly, I turned around, allowing myself to let go of my past, before walking into my future.

**I liked the beginning, but hated the end, so review. This story is officially complete, and I hope all you readers liked it. **


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